I’m not the voice of my generation, and I’ve never claimed to be.
I’m an anxious 40-something GenXer, and I certainly have no right to speak for anyone but myself. So I only speak for myself – not any other feminists, not my LGBQ+ friends and especially not my trans friends – when I bring up this little news nugget from the salty desert state of Utah: “Utah officials secretly investigated female athlete’s gender.”
Excuse me for a moment while I flash back to several really bad pre-pubescent “pixie” cuts that weren’t so pixie and more just a typical easy walk-in $8 boy’s cuts.
Give me another minute.
Nope, another minute please. I’m thinking about eight grade, where I tried to do an undercut with long asymmetrical bangs in “reverse bob” at the same time that I also tried to go natural with my hair but also maybe sometimes straighten it with a hot comb and it ended up something like a mushroom and a bowl cut had a baby.
Until I grew my hair long for high school, I was often misgendered. Granted, I was never that “girly girl” who loved sparkly things or dolls or frilly dresses, but every time someone thought I was a boy as a child, it made me more certain that I was a girl. Sure I preferred Tinker Toys to Barbie, but when I grew up, I wanted to wear a classy skirt suit or feminine pant suit as I investigated the future Spiro Agnews and Richard Nixons, not the boring basic brown suit of my male colleagues! I was far more Nina Totenberg than Walter Cronkite! But I digress.
Ok, I’m better.
What scares me of stories like this is how horribly invasive this is to young girls at their most vulnerable time – and when I say girls, I mean all girls, whether they are assigned female or male at birth. Girls in junior and high school are just trying to figure themselves out, who they are, what they are into, how to deal with puberty and all the feelings that come along with it.
In fact, isn’t that what we’re all doing in junior high and high school? We’re dealing with crushes, and pimples, and hormones, and hairs in really weird places. We’re learning to like music that our parents really hate. And maybe if we could stop a minute and remember that feeling that we all went through, then no one would file complaints that would then land others’ minor children in investigations that are questionably legal.
Moreover, I worry about states that have proposed checking the genitals of minor girls to assure that transgender children aren’t playing sports. In states like Ohio, where this has actually been discussed – even as the largest university still pays out settlements because of a former team doctor sexually assaulted young athletes – I am appalled that people are taking things this far.
These are children! For the most part, these are games that are intended to teach them teamwork and cooperation and the meaning of competition! Only a handful will earn college scholarships, and only a tiny percentage of those children will go on to a higher level of competition such as the Olympics or professional athletics. Get over it.
Here’s my advice, and it’s unsolicited and free: Stop. Just stop. Stop putting so much pressure on your kids that they accuse their teammates or competitors of cheating. Stop invading the privacy of girls – cis or trans. And that goes for boys too.
Here’s more advice: Let’s start being supportive of children. Let’s start talking about how we can best support our preteens and teens. Let’s start talking to our teens. Let’s give them a welcoming environment, especially at a time when teen suicide rates are on the rise (according to the CDC and other experts).
Stop worrying about who wins the damn race, and let’s make sure all the kids finish and finish well.
But like I said, I’m not the voice of my generation, nor do I speak for anyone else.